4-22-25
| listening: | music you play at bunny picnics |
|---|---|
| feeling: | weirdly adrift |
coming to u live post easter break o77 i graduate in less than two weeks. fucking insaneeeeee... i'll miss my friends but that's about it i'm ready to get out of here. how nice it will be to go home and have my own room and my own space! no more dorm!! (until the fall at least -_-)
trying to use this roadmap thing i found on github to learn new stuff. it's pretty helpful bc it tells me what to do in what order. usually i just jump in with no direction whatsoever.. which is probably apparent in my first website lol. been feeling kinda discouraged bc i don't want to go through the learning period for anything, i just want it to click and i'm instantly so good at it. gifted kid syndrome or something?? idk i just try to push those thoughts to the side and keep going at a steady pace. i know in my brain that things take time but my heart is screaming "YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS PERFECTLY NOWWWWW" and honestly? chill man. you've got your whole life ahead of you (hopefully...?) and plenty of time to build up skills
on the mention of gifted kid syndrome, i kinda spontaneously started reading books again on my flight last night. and not just fanfics, like actual books that you can tell people about lol. i was an avid reader as a kid, but now i've gotten into the habit of remember ao3 exists > read a few fics > forget about the site for 7 months > repeat. it's been weird to say the least. i miss reading though, so i read the electric state by simon stalenhag. i've been finding that my comprehension isn't the best recently, i kinda just wallow around while reading and not really understanding what i'm doing. things started to fall into place near the end of the book though, so this is looking like one of those things that just needs a re-read. i'm currently reading the setting sun by osamu dazai. (i heard about no longer human but i think this one was before that so i'm starting here) i'm kinda-sorta completely lost right now, but i'm like half through the book. idk if its the writing style or that i'm out of practice? there's always been a handful of books i just had to start over on to understand though (the secret garden and chasing vermeer come to mind). if i keep this habit up i'll make a book log page, but for now i'll just store my progress on storygraph. i wanna reread things like the hunger games and other stuff i loved in elementary school to build back that reading muscle or something...